Asalam aleykum, my brothers and sisters.
Sorry i haven't posted in a while, but as Bella said, when in a relationship, the dynamics of inspiration change. Plus you can't really express yourself (read talk shit) like you would love to...
Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Women of the 21st century, are becoming nothing short of a pain in the butt. I'm referring to Kenyan women, currently in Kenya. Whom i have had the unpleasant pleasure of meeting.
First of all, why is it assumed that i, as a man, will automatically be a gentleman? I mean, i am, but don't expect it! It's supposed to be a surprise!!! And i am to get recognised for it!!
Everytime you take a walk through town, a woman will out of the blue, walk right infront of you. And then give you one of those looks, you know, like she just farted, and the smell is making her face get all folded up!!!
Honestly ladies, if i may use the term loosely, it wouldn't kill you to have a little tact!
By the way, you can catch me on facebook through this link --> Militant
Militant out.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
The Bro Code
Asalam aleykum, my brothers and sister.
Due to recent demand, i've realised that women are lost, and so are a lot of guys on proper etiquette, when it comes to bros. For women, this is a look into the behavior and principle of male deeds, while for guys, this is a guide to avoid getting you're nuts punched. Observe...
Preamble to the Bro Code
Once the contract of becoming bros is made, verbal, written or otherwise, the bro code comes into effect.
Bros will not be assumed to be exclusive unless each has explicitly granted the other exclusive Bro rights. If a Bro is not exclusive then a Bro may have more than one Bro. However, upon becoming exclusive, said Bro must break any Bro ties with all other Bros.
Article 1:
Bros before hoes. Always remember, girlfriends come and go, but your boys are always there. Breaking this rule is to commit the cardinal sin against Team Testosterone.
Article 2:
Never drink the last beer, unless you've been granted specific permission that it's OK.
Article 3:
If a girl falls into the following criteria, she is off limits forever until the end of time:
A. Was an ex-girlfriend.
B. Your friend specifically told you he wanted her.
C. Is you're buddy's sister.
However, if it's your buddy's cousin, well she's up for grabs, and you're welcome to rub it in his face for years to come.
Article 4:
Never diss a guy if his team just lost a crushing game.
Article 5:
You must never own a cat.
New amendment to this rule: A Bro may never own more than 2 cats, but only if they adhere to the Bro Code
Article 6:
If you get 2 tickets to the big game, the priority list for granting the second ticket is as follows:
1. Your best friends (in order of how long you've known them).
2. Your acquaintances.
3. Your co-workers.
4. The mailman.
5. The UPS guy.
6. NASA.
7. John Kerry.
....1,485,726. Your girlfriend.
Article 7:
You are allowed to enjoy exactly one chick TV show, and one chick flick. You may have no more.
Article 8:
Birthday and Christmas presents for your guy friends are optional. Beer always makes a great gift.
Article 9:
If you go the bar with your buddies, you must buy a round of drinks at least once. The Bro with the better paying job is required to buy the first round. If the other Bro is temporarily out of money or left his wallet at home drinks can be lended yet in the long run these drinks must be repaid, later that night by wingman services or any other act of entertainment or at the next gathering.
Article 10:
There are no mercy rules when playing someone in Madden, hoops, street hockey, bare-fisted boxing, etc.
Article 11:
If you owe someone money, pay them back as soon as humanly possible—unless it's a gambling debt, which must be paid immediately.
Article 12:
Standard shotgun rules are as follows.
A. Shotgun may only be called within full sight of the car.
B. Shotgun must be called outside.
C. Shotgun calls last approximately ten minutes.
D. Shotgun never carries over to a second ride.
Article 13:
NO PDA (Public Displays of Affection).
Article 14:
It's alright to cheat at any game where money isn't involved. In certain circumstances, relationships may be classified as "games."
Article: 15:
Don't tell other guys elaborate stories about your weightlifting exercise routine. No one cares.
Article 16:
Never openly question another guy's sports wisdom, unless said information specifically pertains to your favorite team.
Article 17:
When out with the guys, never accept a call from your girlfriend—unless she's dying or trapped under a burning fuel truck, and if that's the case, make it quick.
Article 18:
Always allow a buffer zone at urinals and on couches.
Article 19:
Never share a bed with a guy, unless there's no way around it.
Article 20:
Bros Before Hoes. I know, I already used it. I can't stress it enough, though. It is absolutely infuriating how many of my guy friends have become insufferable ***** since they've gone out with someone.
Article 21:
In a 6 person hot tub, there should be a maximum of 3 guys.
Article 22:
A Bro should not sing and dance at the same time
Article 23:
A Bro should not watch Oxygen, Womens Entertainment, or Lifetime.
Article 24:
Men do not lie about their age.
Article 25:
A Bro should not swing his arms when he is walking.
Article 26:
A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a girl fight. A Bro must never hesitate before communicating the possibility of fisticuffs between two humans of the female variety [[HENCEFORTH "GIRL FIGHT"]], in an effort to make possible and probable that another Bro or Bros can partake in observation. A timely manner is open to interpretation based on the initial Bro's viewing and processing of the potential feminine conflagration. Said Bro must use any and all methods of media distribution at his disposal, including but not limited to: telecommunications, elbow nudging, fiber optics, the Broney express, and postcards. If an informed Bro is unable to witness the girl fight firsthand, the spotter Bro is responsible for documenting and relating details of the girl fight via pictures, video*, or barring any other reasonable method, interpretive dance and/or pantomime. Tabling Bro obligations to witness a XX chromosomal scuffle is not only condoned, but encouraged, and in some cases, required. Please refer to the Brobligation rubric as elucidated in AMENDMENT 83: "The REALLY hot sister and other hump trumps."
Article 27:
A Bro should never carry a woman's handbag
Article 28:
A Bro should never go tanning.
Article 29:
No Bro should dye their hair
Article 30:
A Bro should never refer to an athlete as a "stud"
Article 31:
A Bro should never cry during a movie. In the event that he does, he must under no circumstance admit it to anyone other than a girl he is trying to score with.
Article 32:
A Bro should not "pop" his collar.
Article 33:
A Bro should not speak more than two languages.
Unless
1. He has lived for a minimum of 9 months in a country whose main language is one of those languages
2. He uses the extra language as a means of picking up women who only speak that language
3. His job requires him to know more than 2 languages
4. It is a means of only to impress women and nothing else
If in the occurrence that a Bro knows more than 2 languages, it is the given right for said bro to invite other bros to parties where this language is spoken, having said bro escort and be the official bilingual wingman.
Article 34:
Bro’s cannot make eye contact during a “devil’s threeway” (two dudes.)
Article 35:
A Bro should never say "it's to die for"
Article 36:
A Bro should not wear a scarf without a jacket or coat.
Article 37:
A Bro should not wear an ascot.
Article 38:
A Bro should never use the following words: fantabulous, ginormous & fierce.
Article 39:
A Bro should never wrap a towel around his head after leaving the shower.
Article 40:
A Bro should never "sip" and alcoholic drink through a straw
Article 41:
A Bro should never wear a blouse.
Article 42:
If you are not living with a girl you should not have tampons in your bathroom.
Article 43:
A Bro should not wear crocs.
Article 44:
A Bro should not wear a leotard or do pirouettes.
Article 45:
A Bro should never wear a sweater over his shoulders
Article 46:
A Bro should not eat grapes from the vines
Article 47:
A Bro should never rollerblade
Article 48:
The word cute should not be used other then describing a chick they want to bone
Article 49:
If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
Article 50:
A Bro should never, ever wear capri pants.
Article 51:
A Bro should not wear flip flops with a suit.
Article 52:
No Bro should wear a speedo to the beach
Article 53:
A Bro will, whenever possible, provide his Bro with protection. In the event that one Bro finds himself lacking the necessary prophylactic accoutrements needed to complete the act of coitus in a safe and effective manner, he is in the right to expect his Bro will use all measures within or without his means to provide the aforementioned prophylactic in a timely yet discreet fashion. When a Bro signals his need using previously agreed upon code words and/or body signage, it is understood that his Bro will discontinue all present activity [excepting the act of coitus itself [whereby which Bro vows to finish as quickly as possible]], in order to respond with a panoply of options at Bro-in-need's location. A Bro must patronize the most rapid method of transportation available while endeavoring to assist his Bro. In no instance may a two-wheeled bicycle be used* as this is not only humiliating, but also potentially harmful to the perineum - a zone of tissue perilously adjacent to noted sexual organs. In the event that a state, federal, international, or galactic law is breached due to recklessness, unacceptable levels of speed, and/or the hijacking of an airborne vehicle(s), it is understood that the primary Bro will shoulder any associated legal fees or fines. However, any costs or damages incurred from the use of public transportation are the responsibility of the secondary Bro alone as this is an instance of Quid Pro Bro. Upon arrival at the primary Bro's location, the secondary Bro must exercise complete discretion so as not to disrupt the primary Bro's "flow." It is understood that a Bro will engage in all training necessary to achieve this objective, including, at minimum, a five month Ninjitsu curriculum mastering the twin arts of stealth and secrecy.** Once the primary Bro has been supplied with the necessary prophylactic(s), the Brocedure is deemed complete upon exchange of the traditional, though in this case silent, "high five." Tacit in this unspoken ritual is the understanding that said episode will never be spoken of again, unless it's part of an awesome story. * Unless a bicycle is the ONLY form of transportation, as in some Cambodian villages **
Article 54:
No Bro should make a kissing face in a photo.
Article 55:
No Bro should wear girl jeans
Article 56:
A Bro shall never reveal the score of a sporting event to another Bro until that Bro has thrice confirmed it's cool.
Article 57:
A Bro may not speculate on the expected Bro/chick ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio.
Article 58:
If a Bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another Bro's girlfriend's birthday and/or anniversary date, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already knows.
Article 59:
One Bro makes a solo attack.
A Second Bro provides a crutch,
A third Bro rounds out the pack,
But a fourth Bro is one too much
Article 60:
Should a Bro be near to closing with a girl, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome, up to and including the seduction of said girls wildly unattractive friend/cousin/sister.
Article 61:
A Bro shall honor thy father and mother
Article 62:
In the event that two Bros acquire the same target, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet roshambo(rock paper scissors) shall determine the outcome
Article 63:
In a scenario in which two or more Bros are engaged in entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in any capacity, including but not limited to; the high-five, the fist bump, or the congratulatory gluteus pat. Winking is also a no no.
Article 64:
A Bro must provide his Bro to a ticket to an event if said event involves the second Bro's favorite sports team in a playoff scenario
Article 65:
A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among Bros with the proviso that no existing wager supercedes this purchase and exchange of spirits.
Article 66:
If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than "that sucks, Bro" and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary - deserved or not - regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.
Article 67:
Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing , another Bro shall point out that he is a tool
Article 68:
If a Bro be on a hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work; or temporary immigration to a foreign country.
Article 69:
No Bro should ever get a pedicure
Article 70:
A Bro should never highlight his hair.
Article 71:
A Bro should not talk to another Bro in the bathroom.
Article 72:
A Bro should never sing show tunes.
Article 73:
A Bro should never eat out of another Bro's hands.
Article 74:
Two men should not share an umbrella.
Article 75:
A Bro should not have "an outfit".
Article 76:
A Bro should not wear a white belt.
Article 77:
A Bro never cries. Unless it’s regarding Article 31.
Article 78:
A Bro should never wiggle out of a pair of pants.
Article 79:
No Bro can hit another Bro in the groin unless victim Bro has broken the Bro code.
Article 80:
A Bro may never seek entertainment from professional women's sports. Unless said entertainment be comedic or physical e.g. gymnastics, beach volleyball
Article 81:
What happens between bros stay between bros...
also known as the what happens in vegas stays in vegas rule and the what happens on tour stays on tour rule
Article 82:
If a Bro catches another Bro in plagiarism - albeit awesome plagiarism - a Bro shall be required to ask the Bro to cite his source.
Article 83:
A Bro can not cock-block another Bro UNLESS sleeping with said girl would break a Bro code.
Article 84:
Love thy neigh-Bro
Article 85:
No bros night out can start with "the wife put out some cheese" and end "with everyone at home by eleven, booya."
Article 86:
If said bros is lost to a relationship, they must void all rights to use the bros code for any purpose and are rightfully subjected to any and all humorous ploys made to said post-bros by previous bros.
Article 87:
A Bro shall at all times say 'Yes'.
Article 88:
Any bros who notice a fellow bros passed out at any social gathering due to drug or alcohol consumption, is obligated to take humiliating photo's and/or videos of the passed out bros; unless said bros has consumed a whiskey, rum, scotch or other hard liquor to an excess of a ratio of: once ounce:3kg of body mass (7lbs imperial)
Article 89:
"A Bro may never pursue the mom of another Bro." Be it here resolved that at no point is it permissible for one Bro to engage in carnal delicacies with another Bro's mother. It is, however, allowed and encouraged for one Bro to graphically suggest to a Bro the athletic feats, animalia, and/or machinery utilized during a fictional encounter with his mom. [[NOTA BENE: It is customary for a Bro to avoid such Brocularity if his Bro's mom is a 9 or better, for fear of Oedipal inducement.]] Should a Bro discover his Bro is in fact adopted, he is free to pursue his Bro's adoptive mother, but only after first corroborating non-biological parentage through notarized birth certificates, hospital records, or comparative dioxyribonucleic acid gel electrophoresis, whichever is easiest. Since the adopted Bro cannot legitimately claim to have shared a canal with his Bro, ARTICLE 89 expressly prohibits the adopted Bro from invoking the Sloppy Second clause in any related filings with the International Court of Bros. Though the mom of a Bro is always off limits, the step-mom of a Bro is allowed if she initiates it and/or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing. If she looks good in it.
Article 90:
No bros should know any fellow bros weight for any reason. Previous bros code stipulation should only have an assumed weight. If the assumed weight is on the turning point of humility and peace, humility over-rides
Article 91:
When bros are up for the same promotion/job position and are subjected to interviews, bros in a prior interview must alert bros of any and all trick questions they can remember. This ensures all bros get an equal chance at the position/title because it is well known fact that the bros performing the interview wants to get the process over as quick as possible and the only way for a fair chance is to make all subsequent bros seem better.
Article 92:
When a bros introduces a fellow bros to their hot female friend, the introducer has the rights to the girl. The introduced bros can only attempt to get the girl if the introducer bros gives his consent.
Article 93:
If any bros acts out of line and defies any bros code during a multiple bros conversation with any number of girls, the other bros have the right to tell any humiliating stories and facts about said bros for the purpose of ruining said bros chances with the girl(s).
Article 94:
Should a Bro (1st, 2nd or 3rd) be hooking up with an unattractive woman, the Bro that notices this must do all in their power to stop said Bro from closing the deal, unless they are helping another Bro with Article 60.
Article 95:
Any girl passing out in a non-bedroom designated area of a dwelling occupied by more than one bros is not up for grabs under any circumstances. Additionally, said girl can be subjected to humiliating photos as long as other bros are alerted to its undertaking
How many have YOU broken???
Militant out.
Due to recent demand, i've realised that women are lost, and so are a lot of guys on proper etiquette, when it comes to bros. For women, this is a look into the behavior and principle of male deeds, while for guys, this is a guide to avoid getting you're nuts punched. Observe...
Preamble to the Bro Code
Once the contract of becoming bros is made, verbal, written or otherwise, the bro code comes into effect.
Bros will not be assumed to be exclusive unless each has explicitly granted the other exclusive Bro rights. If a Bro is not exclusive then a Bro may have more than one Bro. However, upon becoming exclusive, said Bro must break any Bro ties with all other Bros.
Article 1:
Bros before hoes. Always remember, girlfriends come and go, but your boys are always there. Breaking this rule is to commit the cardinal sin against Team Testosterone.
Article 2:
Never drink the last beer, unless you've been granted specific permission that it's OK.
Article 3:
If a girl falls into the following criteria, she is off limits forever until the end of time:
A. Was an ex-girlfriend.
B. Your friend specifically told you he wanted her.
C. Is you're buddy's sister.
However, if it's your buddy's cousin, well she's up for grabs, and you're welcome to rub it in his face for years to come.
Article 4:
Never diss a guy if his team just lost a crushing game.
Article 5:
You must never own a cat.
New amendment to this rule: A Bro may never own more than 2 cats, but only if they adhere to the Bro Code
Article 6:
If you get 2 tickets to the big game, the priority list for granting the second ticket is as follows:
1. Your best friends (in order of how long you've known them).
2. Your acquaintances.
3. Your co-workers.
4. The mailman.
5. The UPS guy.
6. NASA.
7. John Kerry.
....1,485,726. Your girlfriend.
Article 7:
You are allowed to enjoy exactly one chick TV show, and one chick flick. You may have no more.
Article 8:
Birthday and Christmas presents for your guy friends are optional. Beer always makes a great gift.
Article 9:
If you go the bar with your buddies, you must buy a round of drinks at least once. The Bro with the better paying job is required to buy the first round. If the other Bro is temporarily out of money or left his wallet at home drinks can be lended yet in the long run these drinks must be repaid, later that night by wingman services or any other act of entertainment or at the next gathering.
Article 10:
There are no mercy rules when playing someone in Madden, hoops, street hockey, bare-fisted boxing, etc.
Article 11:
If you owe someone money, pay them back as soon as humanly possible—unless it's a gambling debt, which must be paid immediately.
Article 12:
Standard shotgun rules are as follows.
A. Shotgun may only be called within full sight of the car.
B. Shotgun must be called outside.
C. Shotgun calls last approximately ten minutes.
D. Shotgun never carries over to a second ride.
Article 13:
NO PDA (Public Displays of Affection).
Article 14:
It's alright to cheat at any game where money isn't involved. In certain circumstances, relationships may be classified as "games."
Article: 15:
Don't tell other guys elaborate stories about your weightlifting exercise routine. No one cares.
Article 16:
Never openly question another guy's sports wisdom, unless said information specifically pertains to your favorite team.
Article 17:
When out with the guys, never accept a call from your girlfriend—unless she's dying or trapped under a burning fuel truck, and if that's the case, make it quick.
Article 18:
Always allow a buffer zone at urinals and on couches.
Article 19:
Never share a bed with a guy, unless there's no way around it.
Article 20:
Bros Before Hoes. I know, I already used it. I can't stress it enough, though. It is absolutely infuriating how many of my guy friends have become insufferable ***** since they've gone out with someone.
Article 21:
In a 6 person hot tub, there should be a maximum of 3 guys.
Article 22:
A Bro should not sing and dance at the same time
Article 23:
A Bro should not watch Oxygen, Womens Entertainment, or Lifetime.
Article 24:
Men do not lie about their age.
Article 25:
A Bro should not swing his arms when he is walking.
Article 26:
A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a girl fight. A Bro must never hesitate before communicating the possibility of fisticuffs between two humans of the female variety [[HENCEFORTH "GIRL FIGHT"]], in an effort to make possible and probable that another Bro or Bros can partake in observation. A timely manner is open to interpretation based on the initial Bro's viewing and processing of the potential feminine conflagration. Said Bro must use any and all methods of media distribution at his disposal, including but not limited to: telecommunications, elbow nudging, fiber optics, the Broney express, and postcards. If an informed Bro is unable to witness the girl fight firsthand, the spotter Bro is responsible for documenting and relating details of the girl fight via pictures, video*, or barring any other reasonable method, interpretive dance and/or pantomime. Tabling Bro obligations to witness a XX chromosomal scuffle is not only condoned, but encouraged, and in some cases, required. Please refer to the Brobligation rubric as elucidated in AMENDMENT 83: "The REALLY hot sister and other hump trumps."
Article 27:
A Bro should never carry a woman's handbag
Article 28:
A Bro should never go tanning.
Article 29:
No Bro should dye their hair
Article 30:
A Bro should never refer to an athlete as a "stud"
Article 31:
A Bro should never cry during a movie. In the event that he does, he must under no circumstance admit it to anyone other than a girl he is trying to score with.
Article 32:
A Bro should not "pop" his collar.
Article 33:
A Bro should not speak more than two languages.
Unless
1. He has lived for a minimum of 9 months in a country whose main language is one of those languages
2. He uses the extra language as a means of picking up women who only speak that language
3. His job requires him to know more than 2 languages
4. It is a means of only to impress women and nothing else
If in the occurrence that a Bro knows more than 2 languages, it is the given right for said bro to invite other bros to parties where this language is spoken, having said bro escort and be the official bilingual wingman.
Article 34:
Bro’s cannot make eye contact during a “devil’s threeway” (two dudes.)
Article 35:
A Bro should never say "it's to die for"
Article 36:
A Bro should not wear a scarf without a jacket or coat.
Article 37:
A Bro should not wear an ascot.
Article 38:
A Bro should never use the following words: fantabulous, ginormous & fierce.
Article 39:
A Bro should never wrap a towel around his head after leaving the shower.
Article 40:
A Bro should never "sip" and alcoholic drink through a straw
Article 41:
A Bro should never wear a blouse.
Article 42:
If you are not living with a girl you should not have tampons in your bathroom.
Article 43:
A Bro should not wear crocs.
Article 44:
A Bro should not wear a leotard or do pirouettes.
Article 45:
A Bro should never wear a sweater over his shoulders
Article 46:
A Bro should not eat grapes from the vines
Article 47:
A Bro should never rollerblade
Article 48:
The word cute should not be used other then describing a chick they want to bone
Article 49:
If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
Article 50:
A Bro should never, ever wear capri pants.
Article 51:
A Bro should not wear flip flops with a suit.
Article 52:
No Bro should wear a speedo to the beach
Article 53:
A Bro will, whenever possible, provide his Bro with protection. In the event that one Bro finds himself lacking the necessary prophylactic accoutrements needed to complete the act of coitus in a safe and effective manner, he is in the right to expect his Bro will use all measures within or without his means to provide the aforementioned prophylactic in a timely yet discreet fashion. When a Bro signals his need using previously agreed upon code words and/or body signage, it is understood that his Bro will discontinue all present activity [excepting the act of coitus itself [whereby which Bro vows to finish as quickly as possible]], in order to respond with a panoply of options at Bro-in-need's location. A Bro must patronize the most rapid method of transportation available while endeavoring to assist his Bro. In no instance may a two-wheeled bicycle be used* as this is not only humiliating, but also potentially harmful to the perineum - a zone of tissue perilously adjacent to noted sexual organs. In the event that a state, federal, international, or galactic law is breached due to recklessness, unacceptable levels of speed, and/or the hijacking of an airborne vehicle(s), it is understood that the primary Bro will shoulder any associated legal fees or fines. However, any costs or damages incurred from the use of public transportation are the responsibility of the secondary Bro alone as this is an instance of Quid Pro Bro. Upon arrival at the primary Bro's location, the secondary Bro must exercise complete discretion so as not to disrupt the primary Bro's "flow." It is understood that a Bro will engage in all training necessary to achieve this objective, including, at minimum, a five month Ninjitsu curriculum mastering the twin arts of stealth and secrecy.** Once the primary Bro has been supplied with the necessary prophylactic(s), the Brocedure is deemed complete upon exchange of the traditional, though in this case silent, "high five." Tacit in this unspoken ritual is the understanding that said episode will never be spoken of again, unless it's part of an awesome story. * Unless a bicycle is the ONLY form of transportation, as in some Cambodian villages **
Article 54:
No Bro should make a kissing face in a photo.
Article 55:
No Bro should wear girl jeans
Article 56:
A Bro shall never reveal the score of a sporting event to another Bro until that Bro has thrice confirmed it's cool.
Article 57:
A Bro may not speculate on the expected Bro/chick ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio.
Article 58:
If a Bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another Bro's girlfriend's birthday and/or anniversary date, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already knows.
Article 59:
One Bro makes a solo attack.
A Second Bro provides a crutch,
A third Bro rounds out the pack,
But a fourth Bro is one too much
Article 60:
Should a Bro be near to closing with a girl, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome, up to and including the seduction of said girls wildly unattractive friend/cousin/sister.
Article 61:
A Bro shall honor thy father and mother
Article 62:
In the event that two Bros acquire the same target, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet roshambo(rock paper scissors) shall determine the outcome
Article 63:
In a scenario in which two or more Bros are engaged in entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in any capacity, including but not limited to; the high-five, the fist bump, or the congratulatory gluteus pat. Winking is also a no no.
Article 64:
A Bro must provide his Bro to a ticket to an event if said event involves the second Bro's favorite sports team in a playoff scenario
Article 65:
A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among Bros with the proviso that no existing wager supercedes this purchase and exchange of spirits.
Article 66:
If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than "that sucks, Bro" and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary - deserved or not - regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.
Article 67:
Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing , another Bro shall point out that he is a tool
Article 68:
If a Bro be on a hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work; or temporary immigration to a foreign country.
Article 69:
No Bro should ever get a pedicure
Article 70:
A Bro should never highlight his hair.
Article 71:
A Bro should not talk to another Bro in the bathroom.
Article 72:
A Bro should never sing show tunes.
Article 73:
A Bro should never eat out of another Bro's hands.
Article 74:
Two men should not share an umbrella.
Article 75:
A Bro should not have "an outfit".
Article 76:
A Bro should not wear a white belt.
Article 77:
A Bro never cries. Unless it’s regarding Article 31.
Article 78:
A Bro should never wiggle out of a pair of pants.
Article 79:
No Bro can hit another Bro in the groin unless victim Bro has broken the Bro code.
Article 80:
A Bro may never seek entertainment from professional women's sports. Unless said entertainment be comedic or physical e.g. gymnastics, beach volleyball
Article 81:
What happens between bros stay between bros...
also known as the what happens in vegas stays in vegas rule and the what happens on tour stays on tour rule
Article 82:
If a Bro catches another Bro in plagiarism - albeit awesome plagiarism - a Bro shall be required to ask the Bro to cite his source.
Article 83:
A Bro can not cock-block another Bro UNLESS sleeping with said girl would break a Bro code.
Article 84:
Love thy neigh-Bro
Article 85:
No bros night out can start with "the wife put out some cheese" and end "with everyone at home by eleven, booya."
Article 86:
If said bros is lost to a relationship, they must void all rights to use the bros code for any purpose and are rightfully subjected to any and all humorous ploys made to said post-bros by previous bros.
Article 87:
A Bro shall at all times say 'Yes'.
Article 88:
Any bros who notice a fellow bros passed out at any social gathering due to drug or alcohol consumption, is obligated to take humiliating photo's and/or videos of the passed out bros; unless said bros has consumed a whiskey, rum, scotch or other hard liquor to an excess of a ratio of: once ounce:3kg of body mass (7lbs imperial)
Article 89:
"A Bro may never pursue the mom of another Bro." Be it here resolved that at no point is it permissible for one Bro to engage in carnal delicacies with another Bro's mother. It is, however, allowed and encouraged for one Bro to graphically suggest to a Bro the athletic feats, animalia, and/or machinery utilized during a fictional encounter with his mom. [[NOTA BENE: It is customary for a Bro to avoid such Brocularity if his Bro's mom is a 9 or better, for fear of Oedipal inducement.]] Should a Bro discover his Bro is in fact adopted, he is free to pursue his Bro's adoptive mother, but only after first corroborating non-biological parentage through notarized birth certificates, hospital records, or comparative dioxyribonucleic acid gel electrophoresis, whichever is easiest. Since the adopted Bro cannot legitimately claim to have shared a canal with his Bro, ARTICLE 89 expressly prohibits the adopted Bro from invoking the Sloppy Second clause in any related filings with the International Court of Bros. Though the mom of a Bro is always off limits, the step-mom of a Bro is allowed if she initiates it and/or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing. If she looks good in it.
Article 90:
No bros should know any fellow bros weight for any reason. Previous bros code stipulation should only have an assumed weight. If the assumed weight is on the turning point of humility and peace, humility over-rides
Article 91:
When bros are up for the same promotion/job position and are subjected to interviews, bros in a prior interview must alert bros of any and all trick questions they can remember. This ensures all bros get an equal chance at the position/title because it is well known fact that the bros performing the interview wants to get the process over as quick as possible and the only way for a fair chance is to make all subsequent bros seem better.
Article 92:
When a bros introduces a fellow bros to their hot female friend, the introducer has the rights to the girl. The introduced bros can only attempt to get the girl if the introducer bros gives his consent.
Article 93:
If any bros acts out of line and defies any bros code during a multiple bros conversation with any number of girls, the other bros have the right to tell any humiliating stories and facts about said bros for the purpose of ruining said bros chances with the girl(s).
Article 94:
Should a Bro (1st, 2nd or 3rd) be hooking up with an unattractive woman, the Bro that notices this must do all in their power to stop said Bro from closing the deal, unless they are helping another Bro with Article 60.
Article 95:
Any girl passing out in a non-bedroom designated area of a dwelling occupied by more than one bros is not up for grabs under any circumstances. Additionally, said girl can be subjected to humiliating photos as long as other bros are alerted to its undertaking
How many have YOU broken???
Militant out.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Utopia
"We were promised a better life in home countries/We were told privatising water and electricity would make things run more efficiently/Instead the quality remained almost the same/And the price was increased until it became an unaffordable luxury/Some corporations are more efficient than government/But their motivation is not the health or wellbeing of people/It's only about profit/Everything else, their image, their human resources, their public relations/Only exist to protect the reality behind it...", Immortal Technique - Open Your Eyes.
Asalam aleykum, my brothers and sisters.
Awhile back, Bella and I were having one of those arguments. He, as usual was going against everything I support. From democratic elections to politicians. Don't get it wrong, I don't believe in most politicians, but there are the select few, that I applaude their effort in the world. Like the one I've spoken most frequently about, President Barrack Hussein Obama.
Then, for once, we actually came to an amicable solution. He suggested, that they should run government just like they run companies. With a CEO, appointed by a board of directors from all over the country. With different provinces broken to departments, and citizens as staff.
I know I've over quoted Immortal, but this guy if fucking brilliant! It's like what's in my heart, comes out his mouth (Nullus). But you know, think about it.
Basically, the government only exists to protect and serve its people. And with that, we are bound to failing government, till the day someone will be heroic enough to sacrifice his or her ambitions, goals and achievements, and take the realm. Hopefully, ushering in a new generation of governance.
Our very own Barrack (Yes, we are on a first name basis, plus the NSA have deleted their file on me...). But is there such a person? Definitely, it can't be me. I'm what most American government institutions would call, an unstable extremist... Why? Because I dare to dream?
Dream of a day when there will be no famine or hunger in Africa? A day when Muslims, Christians, Hindus, Sikhs, Atheists and even Scientologists, can live together in peace? A day with no war in Africa or the Middle East? A day when a person doesn't have to steal to feed his family? A day with no deaths from HIV/AIDS? A day when the Centre for Disease Control (CDC) doesn't conduct it's human testing on poor, unsuspecting Africans....
Yeah. They do. Why do you think there's a CDC logo on the side of every Red Cross tent, next to the Donate Blood sign...?
Utopia... I guess I've given the NSA enough keywords for them to abduct me (alien style), so lemme wake from this dream, and go back to the harsh reality, that is life...
"The only true meaning of life, is death...", Denny Crane.
Militant out.
Asalam aleykum, my brothers and sisters.
Awhile back, Bella and I were having one of those arguments. He, as usual was going against everything I support. From democratic elections to politicians. Don't get it wrong, I don't believe in most politicians, but there are the select few, that I applaude their effort in the world. Like the one I've spoken most frequently about, President Barrack Hussein Obama.
Then, for once, we actually came to an amicable solution. He suggested, that they should run government just like they run companies. With a CEO, appointed by a board of directors from all over the country. With different provinces broken to departments, and citizens as staff.
I know I've over quoted Immortal, but this guy if fucking brilliant! It's like what's in my heart, comes out his mouth (Nullus). But you know, think about it.
Basically, the government only exists to protect and serve its people. And with that, we are bound to failing government, till the day someone will be heroic enough to sacrifice his or her ambitions, goals and achievements, and take the realm. Hopefully, ushering in a new generation of governance.
Our very own Barrack (Yes, we are on a first name basis, plus the NSA have deleted their file on me...). But is there such a person? Definitely, it can't be me. I'm what most American government institutions would call, an unstable extremist... Why? Because I dare to dream?
Dream of a day when there will be no famine or hunger in Africa? A day when Muslims, Christians, Hindus, Sikhs, Atheists and even Scientologists, can live together in peace? A day with no war in Africa or the Middle East? A day when a person doesn't have to steal to feed his family? A day with no deaths from HIV/AIDS? A day when the Centre for Disease Control (CDC) doesn't conduct it's human testing on poor, unsuspecting Africans....
Yeah. They do. Why do you think there's a CDC logo on the side of every Red Cross tent, next to the Donate Blood sign...?
Utopia... I guess I've given the NSA enough keywords for them to abduct me (alien style), so lemme wake from this dream, and go back to the harsh reality, that is life...
"The only true meaning of life, is death...", Denny Crane.
Militant out.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
GUANTANAMO BAY
Asalam aleykum, my brothers and sisters.
Well, as was expected, with the US under an African ruler, things were going to change. I mean, that was the central theme of his whole campaign. Which I applaud most of his efforts and promises. But he shouldn’t make the mistake of sending home suspects held in Guantanamo Bay.
Yeah, I know that’s kinda strange coming form me, but indulge me. I do not support the existence of that death camp; neither do I support what goes on inside it. But one thing remains certain. Bush fucked up.
Since those suspects are already there, and recently, I think two of them were finally tried before a judge and jury, for the 9/11 attacks.
Honestly, whether or not they are innocent isn’t the issue. When you take a dog, forgive the metaphor, and treat it like it was some wild animal, eventually, it will become a wild animal.
The amount of torture those suspects have gone through, is beyond my comprehension. Two Kenyans were abducted from Mombasa awhile back, I mean, what kind of leader would sanction his/her citizens to be tortured in some other country, but that’s an argument for another day. Anyway, when these poor Kenyans were finally let go, well, let’s just say they didn’t come back the same.
All I’m saying is, these people should be counselled and the American government do whatever they can to kiss their asses. Otherwise, you just gave 60 angry Muslims enough ammunition to go back to their country and preach hatred towards the US. And I don’t know if you’ve heard of this new method of marketing most companies are employing these days. Whereby, they use the customers to spread the good word about their product.
Well, these 60, who will prolly be recruited by Al Qaeda, or form their own extremist organisation, and train other subjects, from their own first hand experience, about how the US foreign policy is really implemented... Otherwise, the circle just keeps going... And guess who pays for it? You, me and other defenceless women and children.
Militant out.
Well, as was expected, with the US under an African ruler, things were going to change. I mean, that was the central theme of his whole campaign. Which I applaud most of his efforts and promises. But he shouldn’t make the mistake of sending home suspects held in Guantanamo Bay.
Yeah, I know that’s kinda strange coming form me, but indulge me. I do not support the existence of that death camp; neither do I support what goes on inside it. But one thing remains certain. Bush fucked up.
Since those suspects are already there, and recently, I think two of them were finally tried before a judge and jury, for the 9/11 attacks.
Honestly, whether or not they are innocent isn’t the issue. When you take a dog, forgive the metaphor, and treat it like it was some wild animal, eventually, it will become a wild animal.
The amount of torture those suspects have gone through, is beyond my comprehension. Two Kenyans were abducted from Mombasa awhile back, I mean, what kind of leader would sanction his/her citizens to be tortured in some other country, but that’s an argument for another day. Anyway, when these poor Kenyans were finally let go, well, let’s just say they didn’t come back the same.
All I’m saying is, these people should be counselled and the American government do whatever they can to kiss their asses. Otherwise, you just gave 60 angry Muslims enough ammunition to go back to their country and preach hatred towards the US. And I don’t know if you’ve heard of this new method of marketing most companies are employing these days. Whereby, they use the customers to spread the good word about their product.
Well, these 60, who will prolly be recruited by Al Qaeda, or form their own extremist organisation, and train other subjects, from their own first hand experience, about how the US foreign policy is really implemented... Otherwise, the circle just keeps going... And guess who pays for it? You, me and other defenceless women and children.
Militant out.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
New World Order
Asalam aleykum, my brothers and sisters.
So i just watched the inauguration ceremony and President Barrack Hussein Obama delivered a very powerful speech. Citing different topics, from the world economy, to Afghanistan and Iraq.
I can't lie, this is the greatest day in history. Here's a quote from the speech:
"... 60 years ago, my father could not get service in a restaurant, and today, i stand before you taking an oath..."
But i just realised one thing. Black Americans (not to be confused with African Americans) are a bunch of douches (most not all, don't get it twisted). I mean, it took Barrack Obama senior, to leave Kogelo, travel to Hawaii, sire a son, and skive, for black people to be really emancipated????
These niggas couldn't find one amongst them, with a good head on his shoulders, and achieve this? Not that i do not appreciate what other freedom fighters and movements have done for the black cause, but ain't it abit late???
I mean, it's friggin 2009! What's wrong with us black people? Why do we suffer the "Messiah Syndrome"? Always waiting for someone else to come save us from our suffering???
Why can't we take responsibility into our own hands, and take action???? I'll leave you to ponder that...
Militant out.
So i just watched the inauguration ceremony and President Barrack Hussein Obama delivered a very powerful speech. Citing different topics, from the world economy, to Afghanistan and Iraq.
I can't lie, this is the greatest day in history. Here's a quote from the speech:
"... 60 years ago, my father could not get service in a restaurant, and today, i stand before you taking an oath..."
But i just realised one thing. Black Americans (not to be confused with African Americans) are a bunch of douches (most not all, don't get it twisted). I mean, it took Barrack Obama senior, to leave Kogelo, travel to Hawaii, sire a son, and skive, for black people to be really emancipated????
These niggas couldn't find one amongst them, with a good head on his shoulders, and achieve this? Not that i do not appreciate what other freedom fighters and movements have done for the black cause, but ain't it abit late???
I mean, it's friggin 2009! What's wrong with us black people? Why do we suffer the "Messiah Syndrome"? Always waiting for someone else to come save us from our suffering???
Why can't we take responsibility into our own hands, and take action???? I'll leave you to ponder that...
Militant out.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
3rd World
Asalam aleykum, my brothers and sister.
Well, right now, i'm going through some thang's and i don't want to burden anyone with my shit. But as a side note, i finally got my ass to listen to the 3rd World album, by Immortal Technique. Shit!!!! I had heard some rumours, but thought he would turn out to be like Jay Z (read disapointment). So my favourite track is this. I cannot add anything...
Immortal Technique and DJ Green Lantern
Third World mother fuckers!
I'm from where the gold and diamonds are ripped from the earth
right next to the slave castles where the water is cursed
from where police brutality's not half as nice
and makes the hood in America look like paradise
compared to the AIDS-infested Caribbean slum
African streets where the passport's an American gun
from where they massacre people and try to keep it quiet
and spend the next 25 years tryin' to deny it
I'm from where they cut your hands off if you make a fist
and niggas throw coca cause the job market doesn't exist
except slave labor modern day company store
and peace keeper's don't ever ever ever come here no more
from where the bombs that they used to drop on Vietnam
*Steal* us children born deformed eight months before they born
I'm from where they lost the true meaning of the Qur'an,
'cause heroin is not compatible with Islam.
And niggas know that, but throw that poppy seed anyway,
'cause that food drop parachute does not come everyday.
I'm from where people pray to the gods of their conquerors and practically,
Every *president's a* money launderer.
I'm from the only place democracy is acceptable,
Is if America candidate is electable.
And they might even have a black president, but he's useless,
'Cause he does not control the economy stupid!
Lock and load your gun, where I'm from: the Third World son,
Been to many places but I'm Third Torld-born.
Guerrillas hit and run where I'm from: the Third World son.
You polluted everything, and now the Third World's gone.
The waters poisoned where I'm from son,
Seven hundred children die by the end 'this song.
Revolution'll come, where I'm from: the Third World son.
Constant occupation, leaves the Third World torn.
I'm from where the catholic churches are some racist shit.
They helped Europe and America rape this bitch.
They pray to white Spaniard Jesus, who's face is this
But never talk about the black Pope Gelasius
I'm from where soviet weapons still decide elections.
Military is like the mafia: you pay for protection.
*catamite* sex toys, is what the country sells,
And rich white businessmen make the best clientèle.
I'm from where they too pussy to come film Survivor .
And they murder Coca-Cola union organizers.
I'm from where the justice system
(spanish)
cause Rico laws don't apply to the CIA
and mother fuckers make sneakers for a quarter a day
I'm from where they overthrow democratic leaders
not for the people but for the Wall Street Journal readers
from where blacks, indigenous peoples and Asians were once
slaves of the Caucasians and it's amazing how they trained them
to be racist against themselves in a place they were raised in
and you kept us caged in
destroyed our culture and said that you civilized us
raped our woman and when we were born you despised us
gentrified us?????
and crucified every revolutionary messiah
so Ima start a global riot
that not even your fake
anti-communist dictators can keep quiet
fuck your charity medicine, try to murder me
the immunizations you gave us were full of mercury
so now I see the Third World like the rap game soldier
nationalize the industry and take it over!
Lock and load your gun, where I'm from: the Third World son,
Been to many places but I'm third world-born.
Guerrillas hit and run where I'm from: the Third World son.
You polluted everything, and now the Third World's gone.
The waters poisoned where I'm from son,
Seven hundred children die by the end 'this song.
Revolution'll come, where I'm from: the Third World son.
Constant occupation, leaves the Third World drone.
Well, right now, i'm going through some thang's and i don't want to burden anyone with my shit. But as a side note, i finally got my ass to listen to the 3rd World album, by Immortal Technique. Shit!!!! I had heard some rumours, but thought he would turn out to be like Jay Z (read disapointment). So my favourite track is this. I cannot add anything...
Immortal Technique and DJ Green Lantern
Third World mother fuckers!
I'm from where the gold and diamonds are ripped from the earth
right next to the slave castles where the water is cursed
from where police brutality's not half as nice
and makes the hood in America look like paradise
compared to the AIDS-infested Caribbean slum
African streets where the passport's an American gun
from where they massacre people and try to keep it quiet
and spend the next 25 years tryin' to deny it
I'm from where they cut your hands off if you make a fist
and niggas throw coca cause the job market doesn't exist
except slave labor modern day company store
and peace keeper's don't ever ever ever come here no more
from where the bombs that they used to drop on Vietnam
*Steal* us children born deformed eight months before they born
I'm from where they lost the true meaning of the Qur'an,
'cause heroin is not compatible with Islam.
And niggas know that, but throw that poppy seed anyway,
'cause that food drop parachute does not come everyday.
I'm from where people pray to the gods of their conquerors and practically,
Every *president's a* money launderer.
I'm from the only place democracy is acceptable,
Is if America candidate is electable.
And they might even have a black president, but he's useless,
'Cause he does not control the economy stupid!
Lock and load your gun, where I'm from: the Third World son,
Been to many places but I'm Third Torld-born.
Guerrillas hit and run where I'm from: the Third World son.
You polluted everything, and now the Third World's gone.
The waters poisoned where I'm from son,
Seven hundred children die by the end 'this song.
Revolution'll come, where I'm from: the Third World son.
Constant occupation, leaves the Third World torn.
I'm from where the catholic churches are some racist shit.
They helped Europe and America rape this bitch.
They pray to white Spaniard Jesus, who's face is this
But never talk about the black Pope Gelasius
I'm from where soviet weapons still decide elections.
Military is like the mafia: you pay for protection.
*catamite* sex toys, is what the country sells,
And rich white businessmen make the best clientèle.
I'm from where they too pussy to come film Survivor .
And they murder Coca-Cola union organizers.
I'm from where the justice system
(spanish)
cause Rico laws don't apply to the CIA
and mother fuckers make sneakers for a quarter a day
I'm from where they overthrow democratic leaders
not for the people but for the Wall Street Journal readers
from where blacks, indigenous peoples and Asians were once
slaves of the Caucasians and it's amazing how they trained them
to be racist against themselves in a place they were raised in
and you kept us caged in
destroyed our culture and said that you civilized us
raped our woman and when we were born you despised us
gentrified us?????
and crucified every revolutionary messiah
so Ima start a global riot
that not even your fake
anti-communist dictators can keep quiet
fuck your charity medicine, try to murder me
the immunizations you gave us were full of mercury
so now I see the Third World like the rap game soldier
nationalize the industry and take it over!
Lock and load your gun, where I'm from: the Third World son,
Been to many places but I'm third world-born.
Guerrillas hit and run where I'm from: the Third World son.
You polluted everything, and now the Third World's gone.
The waters poisoned where I'm from son,
Seven hundred children die by the end 'this song.
Revolution'll come, where I'm from: the Third World son.
Constant occupation, leaves the Third World drone.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
So She's Underage...
Asalam aleykum, my brothers and sisters.
So yesterday, i went for this supposed New Years party, which the host ends up leaving (which didn't make any sense), but anyway, at the party, i met this young girl, let's call her Patricia.
So Patty, is quite pretty. Well spoken. Interesting. But she is 17. Now ordinarily, the alarms would go off, with me hollaing Statutory Rape. But, she seems like a girl i could actually have a conversation, 'coz with the women i know already, lemme not even go there.
So anyway, i start thinking. What if? What if i took her home? What if i actually got into a relationship with this girl? What would happen? Then it hit me. When i was her age, my sisters used to call it, the "Fall In Love" age.
So, with my extreme charm and damaging good looks, i would most probably wipe the poor girl off her feet! Before she noticed, she would be in the clouds, fantasising about how many children we could have...
And when i finally decide to leave, which would be inevitable, she would be totally crushed... And i wasn't about to go through that cycle just for one night of really good sex. So i decided, it wasn't worth it, and continued sipping my drink, as i watched people act themselves out... Which wasn't that interesting. I would rather have sex....
Militant out.
So yesterday, i went for this supposed New Years party, which the host ends up leaving (which didn't make any sense), but anyway, at the party, i met this young girl, let's call her Patricia.
So Patty, is quite pretty. Well spoken. Interesting. But she is 17. Now ordinarily, the alarms would go off, with me hollaing Statutory Rape. But, she seems like a girl i could actually have a conversation, 'coz with the women i know already, lemme not even go there.
So anyway, i start thinking. What if? What if i took her home? What if i actually got into a relationship with this girl? What would happen? Then it hit me. When i was her age, my sisters used to call it, the "Fall In Love" age.
So, with my extreme charm and damaging good looks, i would most probably wipe the poor girl off her feet! Before she noticed, she would be in the clouds, fantasising about how many children we could have...
And when i finally decide to leave, which would be inevitable, she would be totally crushed... And i wasn't about to go through that cycle just for one night of really good sex. So i decided, it wasn't worth it, and continued sipping my drink, as i watched people act themselves out... Which wasn't that interesting. I would rather have sex....
Militant out.
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