Friday, July 11, 2008

Commando In Nairobi

Asalam aleykum, my brothers and sisters.

It's been a weird couple of days. Yesterday i decided to be adventureous and went to town commando. For those who don't know what this means, it's when you don't wear any underwear/boxers/male or female thong's, whatever turns you on...

It's quite a fuilfilling feeling... So free, the passing breeze going between you legs, gently stroking your balls... It's a great feeling. Till that cold breeze crosses your butt crack... You suddenly get this feeling like someone has been all this time staring at your butt crack. A habit i have attained... What can i say? There's something amazing about a woman's butt crack.

So anyway, the worst thing is when your sitting there, free willy, then this fine ass girl sits right next to you, wearing this low cut top (note: these tops don't make any sense, they only cover the nipples, so why not just walk around topless? Our ancestors did...), a short skirt with a slit till an inch away from her waist, and fuck her shoes, i din't get all the way down there...

NOTE: This did not happen, i'm just giving you a situation... Yeah, i have a very interesting imagination...

Anyway, this is the only time you'll say anything positive about Kenyan roads... We hit some serious pothole, the bus naturally jumps in the air, now this part, it like time slow down...

Her tits, due to Newton's Second Law of Motion: A body at rest or in motion, stays at rest or in motion, until an external force acts upon it. In other words, inertia...

There in the air, shake alittle, then come down gracefully. Now i don't care you could be the pope himself, every straight man will immediately get turned on by this! Except the gay guys, and i wasn't talking to y'all, i'll get to you later.

Shit, i think i'll just end it right here.

Militant out.

The Inverse Crab Effect

Asalam aleykum, my brother and sisters.

I guess most of you have been paying attention to recent events. Apparently, our Finance Minister, Mr. Amos Kimunya, is under investigations for corruptly disposing of the Grand Regency Hotel.

Now, I was avoiding this issue because I don’t have all the facts, but, I will say this, this is the best situation to explain the inverse crab effect. This is when one person gets caught doing something, then starts dragging other people trying to save his/her own ass.

Now when Mr. Kimunya got caught with his pants down trying to make a quick buck, he started implicating other politicians, such as the Prime Minister, Mr. Raila Odinga, the Attorney General, Mr. Amos Wako and the whistle blower himself, Lands Minister James Orengo.

According to him, the named above were in full knowledge and agreement of the sale of the hotel, and therefore he did not do anything wrong, or rather if the deal was bad, it is not his fault.

In their defence, the implicated say they had nothing to do with the corrupt deal. A defence which the Prime Minister has now changed to be that he did not have enough information about the deal and had then forwarded it to the Kenya Anti Corruption Commission (KACC) chairman, Aaron Ringera.

Now is it just me, or is everyone suddenly flipping their stories? To make matters worse, the Prime Minister’s own brother is the Assistant Finance Minister. Personally, I don’t know how these little corrupt deals occur but, I think it would be hard for a whole Assistant Minister to claim not having any knowledge about it...
But then again, I was speaking to my lawyer pal, and he argues that the Finance
Minister did nothing wrong. The Government did not own the hotel, but were holding it as collateral against a loan that a Pan African Bank had borrowed but could not pay for. Therefore, the Government was justified for selling it at whatever price as long as they recovered the principal of the loan.

This whole story has become too complicated for me to follow. All I know is that these jackasses for politicians we have are only riding the Finance Minister’s ass because in this year’s budget, he introduced taxes on all politicians' salaries.
He would have had the backing of the rest of the ordinary citizens, but in addition to new taxes, he also increased the taxes on all alcohols. Personally, that’s enough reason for me to want him fired... I’m just saying...

Militant out.

Who’s To Blame?

Asalam aleykum my brothers and sisters.

Awhile ago, in class, my lecturer decided to digress a little and argue why the new dress code on campus is justified. Knowing me, militant, I have an obligation to fight the system. So he asked me if I would hire a dude in dreadlocks, I said depends on the job, if its radio, nobody gets to see your face so it wouldn’t matter and anyway, having a few nutty dreads never hurt nobody...

So the dude mentions how the dress code thing came to be. Apparently on her way home one afternoon, a student was almost raped in broad daylight. Luckily, the same lecturer rushed to her rescue. He went ahead to say, that 90% of the time, it’s the woman’s fault.

That men in certain situations are basically not to blame for what they end up doing. Well, to use this as an argument would be an insult to everyone. That would mean, that men could get away with practically anything and blame is on someone else.

Personally, I do not support this school of thought. I think we are all responsible for our own actions no matter what the situation is! The moment we start justifying our actions by the environment, will be the moment we loose our intelligence as human beings.

Militant out.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Mashinani



Asalam aleykum, my brothers and sisters.

So Kelly Rowland was in the country last week. Apparently she's so hot, that she left a cocky local radio presenter, Fareed Khimani, speechless. So now thanks to just jerk off, she now thinks Kenyan men are a bunch of bitch niggas.

But that's beside the point of this post. She was in the country to promote the use of condoms to reduce the prevalence of HIV/AIDS in Africa. First of all, most people are getting infected, not because guys don't know how to use condoms...

The cheapest available, Trust costs 10 shillings, note that there are those who support their families on 100 shillings a day.

Think about it, where our bro over here lives, he can get a hoe for 20 shillings. So his daily cost of sexual gratification comes to 30 shillings a lay, not to mention some very illicit local brew he just drank, which could probably leave him blind.

Believe me with the state of poverty in the country, niggas would be buying secondhand condoms if they could.

I've personally heard stories of a dude who used the plastic wrapper from a loaf of bread (Akidah - remember it?), but i think that was just some stupid guy looking for airtime.

And anyway, we all know it feels much better without one...

But i do not condone loose fucking without a rubber, don't be stupid! There's AIDS out there...

Militant out.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Bad Santa

Asalam aleykum, my brother and sisters.

See, there are perks with being Kenyan. Lemme explain. There's this dude, who works for Kenya Power & Lighting Company (KPLC), Bad Santa, who sits on some pole with a huge switch. Whenever he felt someone doing something suspect, he would turn off your lights. Just like a "Santa", he would punish you if were a bad boy/girl/whatever.

So, I was reminiscing about the times when we tapes, also known as Cassettes, were the prime movie source. So there was this time, i just discovered porn, so i was chillin' then suddenly, the lights went out.

Shit, do you know how much beef i would be in, if my parents came home from work and found Wesley Pipes & Mary Hoe-kins bang'n on the screen.

I'm tellin' you, seriously, Bad Santa was such a cockblocker or in this case, joy taker. Back then things were really thick, so when tapes would get dirty, we would open them upm, spray my Dad's cologne on some cloth & wipe the video head. Yeah, we were so cheap we couldn't buy the tape cleaners. I'm from the hood nucca!

Anyway, due to my cheapness, i lived another day to enjoy my favourite pass time.

Militant out.